An Ancient Survival Instinct: Understanding the Will to Exterminate

A systemic reflection inspired by the work of Bert Hellinger.

by Garima Verma 

There is something unsettling that lives quietly in the human soul.

It is older than morality. Older than religion. Older even than civilization.

It is the ancient will to survive.

And at its most extreme, this survival instinct carries within it something we rarely dare to name: the will to exterminate.

The Archaic Survival Logic

In early human history, survival depended on belonging to a group. A tribe could only live if it was strong enough to defend itself. If another group attacked, the threat was not small. It was existential.

If they live, we may die. If we do not destroy them, they may destroy us.

In that atmosphere of fear, the impulse was not merely to defeat the enemy. It was to eliminate the threat completely, to the last member.

Not out of cruelty in the modern sense. But out of primitive survival logic.

This impulse is archaic. It belongs to a time when fear overruled reflection, and when mercy could mean extinction.

When History Repeats the Ancient Pattern

Though we consider ourselves modern, this archaic force has surfaced repeatedly in history.

Genocides are not only political events. They are eruptions of this ancient drive, now amplified by ideology and power. One of the most devastating examples was the attempt by Nazi Germany to exterminate the entire Jewish people during World War II, including children.

Here, the will to survive became fused with a distorted belief system. The “other” was no longer seen as human. They became a threat that had to be erased.

When law, order, and collective conscience collapse, this impulse breaks free.

Civilization, in this view, is not automatic. It is a container. The rule of law protects us from each other and from something within ourselves.

The Hidden Presence in Personal Relationships

The disturbing truth is: The will to exterminate does not live only in history books. It can appear in intimate relationships.

What happens inside us when a partner hurts us?

On the surface, we may say:“I just want them to understand how much they hurt me.”“I want balance.”

But if we look deeply, honestly - sometimes something stronger moves.

A wish to wound them back. A wish to humiliate. A wish to make them feel small. Sometimes even a fleeting thought: I wish they would disappear.

For a small injury, the reaction can feel enormous.

Why?

Because the ancient survival impulse is activated. The nervous system does not interpret emotional pain as “small.” It reacts as if something essential is threatened — belonging, dignity, love.

And once that archaic layer is triggered, the impulse is not simply to restore balance. It is to eliminate the source of pain.

This is how harmless injuries escalate into destructive cycles in couples.

Not because the partners are evil. But because something very old has been activated.

Escalation: From Hurt to Destruction

In many relationships, the pattern unfolds like this:

1. One partner feels hurt.

2. They retaliate slightly more intensely.

3. The other feels attacked and responds even more strongly.

4. Each believes they are only restoring balance.

But beneath the surface, the will to exterminate fuels the escalation.

“I will show you.”“I will win.”“I will not let you exist above me.”

What began as a small wound turns into emotional warfare.

The tragedy is that both are trying to survive. Both are defending something sacred inside themselves.

Awareness as Protection

Hellinger’s insight is not meant to condemn humanity.

It is meant to sober us.

When we recognize that this impulse exists within us, we become more careful.

More restrained.

We pause before retaliating.

We choose to balance something small with something small.

We prefer to give back a little less rather than a little more.

This restraint is not weakness. It is maturity.

Civilization begins in the individual nervous system.

Law Outside, Conscience Inside

Just as public order prevents large-scale violence, inner awareness prevents relational violence.

The rule of law protects societies from mutual destruction.Self-awareness protects relationships from escalation.

When order collapses, externally or internally, the archaic forces return.

That is why emotional regulation, humility, and reflection are not luxuries. They are safeguards.

A Quiet Responsibility

To know about the will to exterminate is not comfortable.

But it is protective.

It reminds us:

• Not to dehumanize others.

• Not to let injury turn into annihilation.

• Not to escalate small hurts into permanent damage.

When we remember the origin of this force, fear of extinction, we can respond differently.

Instead of destroying, we contain.

Instead of escalating, we soften.

Instead of erasing, we seek proportion.

Balance does not require destruction.

Often, it requires restraint.

And sometimes, the most courageous act is to let something pass — even when it has hurt us.